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Bonfire of the mediocrities: Unpacking the Libs’ 'lavish' stay at the Sudbury Holiday Inn

Photo of vintage Holiday Inn neon sign taken Jan. 8, 2012. Photo by Flickr/Thomas Hawk

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Last week, the Conservatives lashed out at the Liberals for throwing a caucus retreat at the “lavish” and “swanky” Sudbury Holiday Inn.

What do you even say?

Well, perhaps we can start by quickly investigating the claims. The hotel is a three-star joint with rooms currently hovering around $250 for bookings from August 28-29 – a price that reflects the laws of supply and demand that Conservatives are always talking about, especially since word of the hotel’s luxuriousness is clearly getting around. 

That said, if you’re willing to postpone the visit of a lifetime, you can manage $133 for a trip in November. A winter visit, of course, comes with the bonus of getting to visit Sudbury in the winter. 

It may be worth the wait.

With over 1,300 reviews available to peruse on Google, one patron called the hotel “OK” and raved that they would “stay here again in a pinch but it is certainly an old hotel with a face lift,” adding, “I wasn't expecting the Ritz.”

Obviously they hadn’t spoken with the Conservative Party.

Buddy, you got the Ritz. 

The mark of a truly lavish hotel  is found in the details – the amenities, the architectural flourishes, the staff. Another reviewer gushed that the room was “good” and the breakfast “ok” and “what you would expect from the price range.” 

Conservatives bash Liberals for 'lavish' caucus retreat at, wait for it... Sudbury Holiday Inn. #cdnpoli #CPC @david_moscrop writes for @natobserver

Utter luxury, obviously. But even the best has its flaws.

“Only thing is,” the reviewer continued, “that the manager at the breakfast buffet seems to be angry at something, not friendly.” Another customer lamented, though not too much, that they wished the hotel “had a hot water dispenser on the main floor like some other holiday inns do for tea, but not a huge deal.”

A look at photos of the world-famous Sudbury Holiday Inn shows a square concrete block – with windows – featuring a kidney-shaped pool that could accommodate dozens of swimmers if nobody tried to swim. It also features the very same low-pile carpet found in literally every other hotel in the world, art you’d find hanging, forgotten, in your grandparents’s guest room, and 2009’s latest USB chargers. In-room lamps are complementary, adding a welcoming “lit” touch to rooms. Toilets are presumably fully functional, featuring a seat and a lever for flushing.

Very swanky.

As if these features weren’t enough, one reviewer boasts of staying in a “premium room on the top floor with a king bed for one night prior to our camping trip.” The eye-watering $150 price tag included a detail not often found among the world’s top hotels, as the Holiday Inn “had no problem with us parking our car with a canoe on top.” 

Most of us who’ve stayed in a Holiday Inn or equivalent – and I’ve stayed in plenty of them – treat them for what they are: luxurious getaways akin to a week at a luxury French Riviera resort that happen to be conveniently located along the highway to wherever we’re going and open.

And yet one, in a more cynical moment, might doubt the sincerity of the Conservative Party and its leader, Pierre Poilievre. The blue side has been carefully cultivating an image for themselves in recent years of salt of the earth, pro-worker, working class champions. Rather than attack the Liberals for their extravagance, shouldn’t they be fighting to ensure every single Canadian has the chance, at least once in their life, to experience a stay at a Sudbury Holiday Inn?

Or, at the very least, perhaps the Conservatives could focus on something else and leave the extreme partisan-brain concerns for another day. Indeed, you’d think during a time of overlapping and persistent crises from war to affordability to climate, that we might get a bit of seriousness from the apparent government-in-waiting. But the Conservatives simply can’t help themselves; they have a message – the Liberals are corrupt and decadent – and they’ll run it on repeat until the next election has run its course, betting that partisans or casual observers won’t bother to stop for a moment to ask themselves questions like “Wait, what?” or “Where?” or “Like…are they talking about a Holiday Inn?”

And yet, we seem to be stuck with the absurdities of political messaging and partisan rabble-rousing for the foreseeable future, a cursed game in which parties pretend not to know what they’re doing is cynical and asinine and the rest of us trundle along, trying to get through the day. Meanwhile, political operatives making good money – what you might call premium-room-with-king-bed money – treat us like we’re stupid. 

It’s enough to drive you to the brink of needing a getaway, a vacation, a break from it all. Perhaps a sojourn in the lap of luxury. And if that's what you need, I know a place. 

 

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